Mary

I want to tell you all about someone very important to me. This will probably be the longest blog I ever write, but the most meaningful to me because I have never written this out before.

Her name is Mary Denise Morris. In West Virginia as a little girl, Mary was the one that all of us little girl's wanted to be like. She was beautiful, funny, and had the best singing voice. Whenever my parents would leave town, I would stay at her house with her family, Lois, Charlie, and Chris. She would give me her hand-me-downs and discarded make-up, and I would wear them proudly...because they were Mary's. Mary taught me to love singing and music, when we went on a road trip to a 4-H event or just driving around town we would listen to Whitney Houston and sing as loud as we could. I still have my Whitney Houston tapes that Mary copied for me.

I wanted Mary to be my adopted older sister, so one day at church I made up an adoption certificate declaring that we were now sisters, and I had one of the elder's sign it (because that made it official!).

When I was in Junior High, Mary moved to Nashville, TN to teach at Lipscomb University. Whenever she would come back home she would tell us about this place on Granny White Pike that we all needed to go to when we graduated.

So, when I graduated, where else would I go? I had an older sister there that would make sure I wasn't lonely and help me with all the adjustments. I was right, when I got to school, she had filled my dorm room with so many gifts and fun things, we would go out to eat at least once a week, I would eat lunch in her office and I would vent about a roommate problem and she would vent about guys. If I was sick, she would bring me to her house and take care of me. I even stayed at her house for a week after having surgery!

After Josh and I were married, we moved right across the street from Mary. We moved right before the fall semester started. Right when Mary started to get sick. At first we thought it was blood clots, a reaction to her medicine. She kept getting worse. I remember going into a class one afternoon and Dr. York was in the hallway trying to get my attention. He told me that they discovered that Mary had cancer. Colon cancer. And it was stage 4. At the time, I was devastated but I didn't know exactly how bad the cancer would become.

The next year was full of painful days for Mary, surgeries, and chemo treatment after chemo treatment. I started volunteering in the Cancer Center at a hospital in Nashville to help others like Mary....I think it was more therapy for me. Most evenings, we would walk across the street and eat dinner with Mary and her mom and watch TV. Mary's and my favorite nights came during American Idol when we would sing along with the contestants and make fun of the bad ones. One of my favorite evenings was when Mary, Lois, and I crawled in Mary's bed and watched movies. Some nights, we would have to take Mary to the ER and stay with her all night, Some days, she would feel good and I would take her to the mall in her wheelchair (she was too weak to walk) and we would buy fun clothes and makeup. I would take her to the doctor's and cry as she would cry when they were taking her blood, and we would sit in her living room and tell jokes and laugh until we cried.

When we decided to move to Michigan for a job for Josh, the hardest thing I had to do was to tell Mary.

September 30, 2005. I had missed a call from my dad, and on the message I knew something was wrong. While screaming and crying harder than I ever had scrunched in a corner in my kitchen, I was told that Mary was gone. She had been in a coma for a few days, early that morning, she woke up and sang some of her favorite hymns, and then closed her eyes and was gone.

I have never had a friend die before Mary. I still break down and cry whenever I sit still and think about her. She gave me my love for music, she taught me how to sing the alto part, she was the person I wanted to be, she was my best friend.

There isn't a day that I don't think about her. It might sound silly, but every now and then I ask God if I can talk to her because I miss her so much. I know she is gone, now my biggest fear is that I will forget the sound of her laugh or not remember her smile.

On my nightstand is a picture frame Mary gave me for my birthday. I put a picture of us in it. On my bed is a special pillow. My mom had made Mary's bedding and curtains and for my birthday this year made me a pillow out of the same fabric along with a valance for my laundry room.